Hey there! I am – well – you could call me the ‘essence’ of your daughter. I am presuming that you’re confused right now, so let me explain. I was alive and fully developed in my mother’s womb, and I have vivid memories from back then. The first ever feeling I remember is an intense, incredible happiness. Just pure, unadulterated joy. It pulsed through mother, and I could feel yours too. I was blind back then, but I could visualize the colours of that happiness. Did you know emotions had colours? What I saw was a brilliant combination of lovely bright hades, like light bouncing off a prism. As the days passed, I thrived only on those emotions. Happiness about coming to know of my existence. Worry, which was coloured grey and sea green. Occasional bursts of red anger. Hunger, which was purple. I felt it when you were upset or worried about something, father. All I can say now is, don’t worry. It’s going to be alright.

One day, all of a sudden, I could see! I saw mom, and you, and everybody else. I could hear! Though my physical self did not understand what I heard, I registered the sounds. I heard everyone congratulating you, I heard mom crying and I wanted to tell her to stop, I wanted to hug her, but I was locked in my body. I saw tears in your eyes that day, and felt your pride, dad. I was glad I made you proud. So I did the one thing I could do with my frail tiny self: I smiled.

I grew, and I watched you grow. I still remember when I was a little kid, and I used to fall down and hurt myself, you would make me laugh by either shouting at the ground, or by dramatically falling down yourself. Looking at you clowning around, I would laugh again, with little fat tears still rimming my eyelashes. I never got a chance to say this, but sorry for all the frights I gave mother and you. When I hurt myself too bad, or I wandered off, or did something dangerous. I did not really mean to upset you. I was just being me- a curious inquisitive person who wanted to find out about the world. I assure you I learnt from every mistake I’ve made. I haven’t listened to you, and I have lied to you. I know you saw through many of those lies, but let me get away with them. Those times, I felt your hurt and pain.

I grew even more, and reached my troublesome teens. I suppose you couldn’t understand or cope up with the sudden changes in my tastes and interests. You couldn’t bear your little girl, with whom you used to play around, grow up. Remember all those times I answered back to the two of you, thinking I knew best? Don’t take it to heart. I was just trying to prove to myself that I was a grown up, that I could take decisions and have faith in my own judgment. In my defense, it’s not easy towing the line between childhood and adulthood.

I was defiant and rude to you many a times. I hope you forgive me, dad.

I recall the day I won a prize for good academic record, and I went on stage to receive an appreciation. I saw you and mom, standing far away, smiling. It made me feel more happy to see you both than any prize I could win, and I wanted you to look at me like that all my life. I learnt more from you than any book could teach me. You forced me, sometimes, to learn to play an instrument, or to practice singing, or go running. I used to get annoyed then, and I vowed I would never put my kids through that ‘torture’. But now, I cannot thank you enough for it. I realize all the personal sacrifices the two of you had to make to provide a good education for me, and allow me to pursue my interests and hone my talents. Money never came easily, and yet, you splurged on me. I was never in want of anything, be it love, or material goods. I, in my foolishness, made many unreasonable demands too. But you never complained. Not a word did you say. Your little girl’s happiness mattered the most to you.

I got into a reputed university. Times were hard for you. But you would make no compromise on my education. I was a headstrong girl. I suppose I get that from you. I dug in with my fingernails, to the cliff of trials, and held on, just like you always told me to. And I got places, dad. All thanks to you and mom. Again, at my graduation, you stood, tall and proud, realizing the time had come for your little stallion to run wild in the fields of life. You were my watchful protector. I ran, responding to the calling of the wind, without once turning back. If I had looked around back then, I suppose, for the first time, I would have seen tears in your eyes. But I was young and wiry and untamed.

Thank you dad, for everything. All those times you smiled, and kept up a brave front, I now know you were often apprehensive, worried about a lot of things. I did not notice all of it back then; at least, I pretended not to notice. But I was always proud of you, dad. I thanked the heavens that I was your daughter.

All those times I thought I knew too much? The truth was I knew nothing. I guess that is true growth, the path to wisdom. I had been such a child – eager, ambitious, curious, and inquisitive. I realized everyone learns, and keeps learning throughout their lives. I might hear the wind call my name. It might spark up a fire, but it’s your flame that will always keep it burning. I might run like the river, or follow the sun, or fly like an eagle, but to you, I will always return.

I know the road is long, but where you are, is home. I’ll always be your little girl.

So here’s wishing you a happy father’s day.

Love always,

Your daughter’s spirit.

Featured Image Credit: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/5-reasons-only-man-girl-depend-dad

About The Author

Kavya Joseph

Just a girl on a quest to understand herself and her country.

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